"Sua Sponte"

I thought about calling my sister and asking about his voice, how it was when he told her. I wondered if it sounded young and strong, with just a hint of that Ranger bravado. You know, like it does in the movies where they say, "Hua, Sir," or whatever it is that Rangers say. I wanted to know, so if I wrote about it later, I'd get it right.

Then I wondered if it changed, at all, as he told the story. Especially when he got to the part where he was safe on the ground and above him heard the screaming as they tried to get air under the tangled chutes and plummeted downwards through the darkness. And if there was any sound at all at the end of it or just the terrible silence pouring in around him.

I wanted to ask if, for an instant, he might have stood there, thinking he might turn suddenly in his sleep to find himself unharnessed from the horror of this nightmare. But nothing was said about that, only that they'd jump again in a week. And there'd be an investigation.

I thought about calling my sister, and asking her these things. But, in the end, I didn't. Instead, I'm trying to decide if I'm brave enough to wear a loop of black ribbon on my collar when I go back to work. And to say, if asked, that I support these men but not their present mission. Because my right to do these things is what they train and fight and die for...

LPK
LiveJournal
11.30.2005