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I was stunned when I heard it. Just. Simply. Stunned. Little Jay and I were in line at the local McDonald's drive-thru when he told me. How did he say it? I think it was, "I know something that's really not good."
"Oh," I said casually, "what's that?"
"Wel-l-l," he said, "T. and my mom are back together." (T. is the boyfriend who beat up little Jay's mom one night shortly after I had picked him up to bring him home.)
For a second or two I was, well, speechless.
Then I managed to say, "What happened to A?" (The "new, new" boyfriend.)
"Oh, they broke up," he said. "My mom said that he was being a real jerk."
"Hm," I thought, "Funny how they all seem to end up that way. Or, maybe they were like that from the start but all she saw was the "bling" when she invited them into her life. And into the life of this little boy."
"So, is T. staying with your mom?" I asked, trying to keep my inquiry as neutral as possible.
"No, he stays at his own place," little Jay answered.
"But you saw him when you were at your mom's," I said.
"Yes," he said.
A few months ago, while in the process of extracting herself from a long-term relationship in which she'd come to feel increasingly uncomfortable, my youngest daughter, who is the same age as little Jay's mom, quoted a statistic from a book she was reading about abusive relationships.
It said that women in such relationships tend to return to them an average of seven times before either leaving them for good or being fatally beaten. Which, I guess, is also a way of leaving them for good.
There was no mention of how many were accompanied by their children through this ordeal. But it does seem, based on the news coverage I've seen over the years, that a significant number of children who fall victim to domestic violence endure this fate at the hands of the "new" boyfriend.
In the past, my wife and I have been ardent defenders of our would've-been-daughter-in-law's right to have our grandson for weekends, holidays, and other occasions. But this time, when our son said he would no longer allow it, we said nothing...
"Oh," I said casually, "what's that?"
"Wel-l-l," he said, "T. and my mom are back together." (T. is the boyfriend who beat up little Jay's mom one night shortly after I had picked him up to bring him home.)
For a second or two I was, well, speechless.
Then I managed to say, "What happened to A?" (The "new, new" boyfriend.)
"Oh, they broke up," he said. "My mom said that he was being a real jerk."
"Hm," I thought, "Funny how they all seem to end up that way. Or, maybe they were like that from the start but all she saw was the "bling" when she invited them into her life. And into the life of this little boy."
"So, is T. staying with your mom?" I asked, trying to keep my inquiry as neutral as possible.
"No, he stays at his own place," little Jay answered.
"But you saw him when you were at your mom's," I said.
"Yes," he said.
A few months ago, while in the process of extracting herself from a long-term relationship in which she'd come to feel increasingly uncomfortable, my youngest daughter, who is the same age as little Jay's mom, quoted a statistic from a book she was reading about abusive relationships.
It said that women in such relationships tend to return to them an average of seven times before either leaving them for good or being fatally beaten. Which, I guess, is also a way of leaving them for good.
There was no mention of how many were accompanied by their children through this ordeal. But it does seem, based on the news coverage I've seen over the years, that a significant number of children who fall victim to domestic violence endure this fate at the hands of the "new" boyfriend.
In the past, my wife and I have been ardent defenders of our would've-been-daughter-in-law's right to have our grandson for weekends, holidays, and other occasions. But this time, when our son said he would no longer allow it, we said nothing...
