Jul. 13th, 2022

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I. Waking Up

"Just try to relax."

Her voice seemed to come from directly behind me.

In fact, I thought I could feel the light touch of her breath on the back of my neck when she spoke.

But when I tried to turn and look at her, I found that I could not.

"And don't try to move just yet," she said.

I was lying on my side and felt her arm around me and her hand pressed against my chest.

Not in a way that suggested she was restraining me, because she was not, but in a way that felt comforting and caring.

And so I relaxed.

Even though I couldn't move, I realized that my whole body had been tense, as if bracing for some sort of impact.

"What... what's happened,"  I said.

"You've been in an accident," she said.

"So, where am I," I asked.

"You're here, with me," she said.

"I'll be taking care of you, at least for a while," she said.

"So, is this a hospital," I asked.

"No, we're at home, at least for now."

And then, in a matter-of-fact way,

"You didn't make it," she said.

I tensed, again, when she said that.

"Shhh," she soothed, and I felt her arm tighten ever so slightly as if pulling me closer to her.

"I... I don't understand. Are you a nurse or something," I said.

"No, I'm not a nurse. Or maybe I was once, but now I'm here to explain things to you, to help you adjust.

And I've done this before and I'm really good at it.

That's why I was chosen for you," she said.

"You've done this before?" I said.

"Yes, but it didn't work out," she said.

"They chose a couple of others for me, and I did my job really well. But the others, the ones before you, didnt work out."

I was relaxing, into her arms, into her voice. Even though I didn't understand, I was beginning to feel that I could trust her.

And so I relaxed and let her pull me closer.

"Are you feeling a little better?" she asked. "That maybe this is going to be alright?"

"Yes," I said. "Even though I don't understand, I feel comfortable with you."

"Is it, would it be OK, if I put my arm around the one you're holding me with?" I asked.

I felt like I didn't know the rules--and I didn't--so I wanted to be sure.

"Of course," she said. "And we'll talk some more after you've rested. So why don't you see if you can sleep?"

And so I did.

But before I drifted off, I thought, if this is a dream, i don't want to wake up from it...

LPK
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7.13.2022

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