Ambushed Again

[thisnewday]

It's snowing outside and the letter carrier left tracks up the walk and across the driveway because I'm unable to shovel a path for her as I normally would. And so I knew that there must be something out there for me, in the box that's mounted beside the front door.

And, inside of it, after I'd brushed an inch or two of snow from the lid, was a small, cardboard box with the Amazon smiley on it. So I figured it must be the two books I'd ordered the other day but hadn't expected to receive so quickly.

Which, in the case of one of them, was a bit of a concern since it was for the book club meeting that's only 16 days from now. I'd been passing the time, still immersed in Carr's biography of Carson McCullers, and had let too much of it slip by me.

The other book was one that I'd been reminded of by a recent post by our friend bluecatartist, Tess Gallagher's Moon Crossing Bridge. I was pretty sure I still had a copy of it, at the house in the city, from many years ago when I was deeply involved in the life and work of Raymond Carver and that of his lover, and then wife, Tess Gallagher.

In particular, I was reminded of a poem in Moon Crossing Bridge which is the moving and tender collection of love poems written by her following Carver's passing. But, you know, it'd been so long and so much had happened in my own life that I couldn't even remember the name of the poem.

So I went back to my old journal, at LJ, hoping to find it there because, in those days, I had often quoted entire songs or poems, as well as shorter passages, of things that I'd found, been touched by, and wanted to share. And I was sure that the MCB poem had been one of them.

Unfortunately, also in those days, I was not in the habit of "tagging" entries so that they could easily be found by typing in a key word. And I was ultimately unable to find this one.

And the feeling of loss that came with this realization just wouldn't let me alone, would not be tolerable, I knew, until the next time my daughter and I made it into the city and I could search for Gallagher's book in the myriad boxes now stacked in the house.

And so, when I belatedly ordered my book club selection, I also ordered Ms. Gallagher's Moon Crossing Bridge.

When I began to tear open the box, my first thought was about the club selection. But when I caught a glimpse of the book underneath it, I was startled to find that it was a hardbound edition, with one of those nice, library-style sleeves over its cover.

And then, as I slid it from under the book club selection, I noticed a bright orange sticker on it which said, "Autographed Edition."

And I was just stunned. Hurriedly, I leafed through to the title page and there, scribbled across the by-line, was "Tess Gallagher, 4/30/92," the year of its publication.

And suddenly, as I was trying to negotiate the stairs up to my office, my eyes welled with tears. Because in my hands was a thing which I knew had been written from the very soul of one who had suffered a prolonged and difficult loss and had poured her heart out on these pages for the one she had loved so deeply.

And had then signed it in her own hand before sending it off to be placed, eventually, in mine. At least, that's how it felt. And, in fact, still does.

In this way, I'll always be grateful to her for sharing this gift with the world and, for a second time, with me.

And maybe, when I'm more composed and have had some time to search it out, I'll share the poem here that sent me on this quest in the first place...

LPK
Dreamwidth
2.12.2019

Comments

[mallorys_camera]

I'm sending you good thoughts.

I like Carver's short stories a lot, although, of course, they wouldn't be "Carver's short stories" without his editor Gordon Lish.

Was it Esquire that published that side-by-side comparison of an unedited Carver short story and a Lish-edited Carver short story? Anyway, I was quite struck by how pedestrian the former seemed to me, and that revelation fueled my conviction that editing is a lot more important than writing because good editing can turn anything into a masterpiece. :-)

Gotta say I think Carver treated his first wife extremely shabbily and that also added to my disaffection for Carver.

Consequently I've always avoided Gallagher. :-)

My first husband's people are from Port Angeles, so it's a town I know very well. A very weird little place.

[thisnewday]

Yup, I agree. It can be very difficult to separate the artist's work from the details of their personal lives. And I do recall having those reservations about Carver and Gallagher. There was some fairly vivid reporting on that, back when we actually had a local newspaper and the two of them were sort of celebrity names in the SU creative writing program.

Although my knowledge and understanding of the "New Criticism" which was in vogue when I was an undergraduate is limited, its insistence on textual focus might be justified in this context. You know, focus on the merits of the literary output, not on the moral/ethical problems in the life that produced it. Don't know if that's a legit interpretation, but that's my take on it.

(I have the same problem with Hemingway and Fitzgerald. My favorite, of Hemingway's 4 wives, was the 3rd because she upstaged him in her reporting of D-Day and then dumped his sorry a$$, lol.)

With regard to Gordon Lish, I do recall that controversy but in about as much detail as I remember breakfast. Which I just ate, lol...

[mallorys_camera]

Yes. In fact it was your sympathy for Martha Gellhorn (via a posting from our mutual pal rosegardenfae that made me decide to add you as a "friend." :-)

[thisnewday]

Hahaha, so, unlike pornography, I MAY have some redeeming social value. Which, according to some standards is what separates pornography from art, lol. In any case, I've much appreciated the add...