The ordeal

[thisnewday]

Recent days have seen increasingly frequent, open, and bitter conflicts with my son over his treatment of my grandson. And most, if not all of them, have been the result of time and attention given the new girlfriend at the expense of his son.

The other night, for instance, I was asked to go and pick up little Jay at his mother's. When I got there, I was told by his mother and grandmother that he would need a bath before school the next day. So before I left, I telephoned his dad to let him know that, on our return, he should be prepared to bathe the little boy.

When I arrived home, my son was in the backyard having a beer with the girlfriend and tending the barbeque. He told me to just go ahead and fill the tub and little Jay could bathe himself. I responded that the little boy was too young to be expected to do that for himself. Then I headed upstairs to clean and fill the tub, intending to bathe the kid myself.

On my way through the house, I angrily complained about this to my daughter who then went outside and told her older brother that he needed to take care of his son. As I was finishing preparations in the bathroom, my son came upstairs to give the little boy his bath.

This evening, though, the situation went from outrageous to bizarre and back to outrageous. First, I was asked by my son if I could watch little Jay and his half-sister for two hours before their evening bedtime. Then I heard my son arranging a dinner date with his new girlfriend, the little boy's mom, and a blind date, for her, with a guy who is apparently a friend of the new girlfriend.

After everyone except the blind date had arrived at the house, I overheard little Jay asking his mom if she would come back to the house and stay after dinner. She responded that she would but not for very long because she had to go to work. The little boy was not completely happy but accepted her assurance that she would return to be with him, in his words, "for just a little while."

When the group, including the blind date, returned from dinner, the kids were anxious to see their mom. But my son intervened, almost immediately, saying that he would settle the kids and that their mom should spend her time with the date that he and his girlfriend had arranged for her.

When I saw the disappointment in the little boy's eyes, I tried to intervene myself by explaining the promise I'd heard his mom make earlier. Instead of listening, my son cut me off with, "Don't even do this, I know what you're doing, so don't even start."

I'm sick to death of his disrespectful behavior and his complete disregard for the emotional well-being of these children. But rather than engage in a pointless argument in front of these already traumatized children, I left the house.

While I was out, I spoke by cell phone with one of my older daughters and commented that Jason seldom does anything that doesn't benefit himself in some way and wondered aloud what was in this for him. My daughter responded that it was probably to demonstrate to the new girlfriend that he was no longer emotionally committed to his ex.

I guess I'll accept that for now but it certainly leaves open the question as to how far he's willing to go in compromising the well-being of these two little kids. And how much I should be willing to tolerate to keep any semblance of communication open through the course of this on-going ordeal...