The Comfort Bear
Jul. 16th, 2009 11:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thisnewdayHe said it with palpable anguish in his voice and it rolled like a shattering and irresistable wave across his normally innocent and engaging six-year-old face. "I just feel like I have to do it," he said.
He was refering to the brutal beating I'd caught him administering to the soft and hugable little "comfort bear" that my oldest daughter and her kids had sent little Jay for his birthday earlier this year. The same one he'd gone to sleep holding after that terrible night in the emergency room when he thought he might die of the prolonged asthma attack that scared the rest of us badly enough to have brought him there in the first place.
It was clear that he was emulating the moves he'd seen in the mixed martial arts video game that his dad had been playing with him on the large-screen TV in our living room. And which he's also played for hours, by himself, on days when no one else was willing or able to give him their undivided time and attention.
If the circumstances hadn't been so disturbing, I might have found laughable his transparent attempts to get me out of the room when he was contemplating these activities. (In his innocence, he'd been quite open about this sort of play before I began questioning the appropriateness of it.)
The truth is that I'm not totally certain about how to interpret these behaviors. It's probably fair to assume that my negative reaction to this violent play is a reflection of my negative feelings about the brutality of the video games that seem to prompt it. But it's also true that my doubts about the appropriateness of his play are rooted in my own and others' considered doubts about the appropriateness of such games for kids his age.
Which leaves me equally uncertain about the appropriateness of my own response to the situation. First, I took away the comfort bear and told little Jay that he would be staying in grandma's room for a while, where he would be safe.
Then I told him that while I was watching him he would no longer be allowed to play these games. I told him that his daddy and I disagreed on this matter, that I would discuss the matter further with his dad, and that I understood that his dad might still allow him to play them when he was in charge.
When he demanded to know WHY he shouldn't play such games, I told him that doctors and others who know and care about children feel that violent movies and games may be harmful to their developing personalities, that he was such a nice little kid that all the people who love him, in both of his families, would hate to see that happen to him.
And when he asked how I KNEW that this game or that one was bad I showed him the "M - 17+" rating on several of those that he'd been playing. I then reminded him of the SpongeBob episode in which Mr. Krabbs built an unsafe playground for kids just so he could get their parents' money.
I told him that the grownups who make the video games are sometimes like that, that they seem more interested in making money than in what's good for kids. (I also said that, even with the rating system, it's still up to parents and grandparents to decide what's OK for their own kids.)
With that settled, I now have to renew this discussion with his dad which, I'm sure, won't be easy. Unfortunately, I can't keep the little boy in his grandma's room until his dad grows up enough to be reasoned with...
LPK
LiveJournal
7.16.2009
He was refering to the brutal beating I'd caught him administering to the soft and hugable little "comfort bear" that my oldest daughter and her kids had sent little Jay for his birthday earlier this year. The same one he'd gone to sleep holding after that terrible night in the emergency room when he thought he might die of the prolonged asthma attack that scared the rest of us badly enough to have brought him there in the first place.
It was clear that he was emulating the moves he'd seen in the mixed martial arts video game that his dad had been playing with him on the large-screen TV in our living room. And which he's also played for hours, by himself, on days when no one else was willing or able to give him their undivided time and attention.
If the circumstances hadn't been so disturbing, I might have found laughable his transparent attempts to get me out of the room when he was contemplating these activities. (In his innocence, he'd been quite open about this sort of play before I began questioning the appropriateness of it.)
The truth is that I'm not totally certain about how to interpret these behaviors. It's probably fair to assume that my negative reaction to this violent play is a reflection of my negative feelings about the brutality of the video games that seem to prompt it. But it's also true that my doubts about the appropriateness of his play are rooted in my own and others' considered doubts about the appropriateness of such games for kids his age.
Which leaves me equally uncertain about the appropriateness of my own response to the situation. First, I took away the comfort bear and told little Jay that he would be staying in grandma's room for a while, where he would be safe.
Then I told him that while I was watching him he would no longer be allowed to play these games. I told him that his daddy and I disagreed on this matter, that I would discuss the matter further with his dad, and that I understood that his dad might still allow him to play them when he was in charge.
When he demanded to know WHY he shouldn't play such games, I told him that doctors and others who know and care about children feel that violent movies and games may be harmful to their developing personalities, that he was such a nice little kid that all the people who love him, in both of his families, would hate to see that happen to him.
And when he asked how I KNEW that this game or that one was bad I showed him the "M - 17+" rating on several of those that he'd been playing. I then reminded him of the SpongeBob episode in which Mr. Krabbs built an unsafe playground for kids just so he could get their parents' money.
I told him that the grownups who make the video games are sometimes like that, that they seem more interested in making money than in what's good for kids. (I also said that, even with the rating system, it's still up to parents and grandparents to decide what's OK for their own kids.)
With that settled, I now have to renew this discussion with his dad which, I'm sure, won't be easy. Unfortunately, I can't keep the little boy in his grandma's room until his dad grows up enough to be reasoned with...
LPK
LiveJournal
7.16.2009
