Screaming for a Winner

[thisnewday]

the grandstands are crowded with the dead
screaming for a winner
wanting a number to carry them over
into living

Charles Bukowski
from The Roominghouse Madrigals


It's a little after 9:30 AM. Her Nurseliness is finally back from her overnight shift at the hospital and I can hear the water running in the upstairs bathroom as she gets ready for bed. "One more day," she says, "and then a day off."

We both know where she'll be spending her day off. It's become a sort of family joke to pretend that it could be someplace other than the casino. As in, "So, what're you doing on your day off? The casino? Really? You gotta be kidding." Then, everybody laughs as if it's the first time it's ever been said.

Little Jay is in the livingroom playing a Tony Hawk video game. At seven years old, he's played on every game system ever invented and mastered every game he's ever played on them. It's one of the ways in which he and his dad have remained connected, through the turmoil of custody battles, the endless procession of new girlfriends and, most recently, the arrival of the one who's given him a new half-brother and now lives with our son in the upstairs room once occupied by himself and Little Jay's mother.

Since this is the first that I've mentioned this arguably significant turn of events, the arrival six weeks ago of a new grandson, I think I might be excused for also mentioning here the absolute sh*tstorm of emotional, financial and relationship issues that've been unleashed on the household because of it..

Instead, let me just say that around 9:45 AM the phone rings and I answer it. The voice on the other end is pleasant, well-spoken and a little puzzled by my defensive tone. (It's a pre-emptive tactic I've adopted for dealing with my son's creditors who've once again been calling with irritating frequency.)

"Is this the Franciscan Family Services?" she asks.

"No, but I sometimes feel like it is," I answer.

"Oh," she says, "I'm so sorry."

"Don't mention it," I tell her. "It could've been worse. Buh-bye."

Meanwhile, Her Nurseliness sleeps upstairs, blissfully unaware. Tomorrow, following her next shift and a few hours sleep, she'll be on her way to the comparative sanity of the Oneida Nation's casino. Where there are no grandstands in the literal sense but the dead are, most assuredly, "screaming for a winner..."

LPK
LiveJournal
7.14.2010

Comments

[amandagayle.livejournal.com]

Would it be too out of place to say congratulations on your new baby? All shit storms aside... (and of those, oh, I know)
Happy new baby, dear. I know he'll make you smile.

[olbuksings.livejournal.com]

thanks, he does make us smile. although it's early, he's in so many ways the perfect little kid - sleeps through the night, even. and he's got the sweetest big brother which is also really nice to see. about the rest, we just sort of shake our heads and hold our breath...