Questioning Solaris

[thisnewday]

She says it with such complete and comforting finality, "We don't have to think like that anymore. Where we are, everything is forgiven. Everything."

A thought passes: I wonder if she's the one in my dreams. I wonder if the one in my dreams is my own Rheya.

I want to think that, if given the chance, I would never have pushed her away. Again. And again and again.

Then I wonder, who is it that's really adrift? The one who is calm and attentive in her presence but awakens, afterwards, heartsick and alone?

Or is it that she, having escaped my tortured gravity, is now content to wander in a space deeper than the deepest dreams?

Does she know that through all the days, of half-remembered dreams, I wait for her?

And, if she knows, does she even care?

Or is this the torture that she, or the mind which owns her, has designed for me?

If that's the answer, what about the mentioned forgiveness?

Or if it's true, as the visiting spectre states, that "There are no answers, there are only choices," then what are my choices?

Is it only, as I occasionally still think, "to sleep, perchance to dream...?"

LPK
LiveJournal
11.15.2011