Technology

[thisnewday]

Over the weekend, my Samsung flip-phone started acting up. It actually went dead on me a couple of times before a bright light came on and a voice from within it said, with unmistakable SoCal surfer inflection, "Dude, seriously, yer phoene is messed up."

So I went to the Verizon store yesterday and a nice young man convinced me that continuing to resist the on-rushing tide of new technology was futile, not to mention inconsistent with life itself, and besides he would be obliged to soak me $80 for another flip-phone whereas I could upgrade to a brand new Android phone for free.

After consulting by phone with Her Nurseliness, who was more than slightly annoyed that I'd disturbed her at the casino, I reluctantly agreed and signed the contract. The nice young man then proceeded to demo about 3000 functions in 5 milliseconds, after which he threw everything in a bag, told me to write sometime, and sent me out the door.

Needless to say, I spent the rest of the day bitching, pissing, and moaning about this piece of schmidt (local joke) phone that had been foisted on me and came very close to testing its shock-resistance against a lath and plaster wall in the dining room.

My other impulse was to wait for the nice young man to arrive back at the Verizon Store this morning and, as he got out of his car, ask him how he thought my new phone would work as a sort of high-tech suppository.

But I resisted that urge as well and was at the Verizon site on the computer, trying to figure out how the hell to enter simple text on this technological nightmare, when my ten year old grandson gets up, rubs the sleep from his eyes, and asks me what I'm doing. I tell him that I've got a new cell phone and that I absolutely hate it.

Instantly his eyes light up and he says, "Oh, can I see it?" and proceeds to flash through all the menus and apps in slightly less time than the nice young man at the Verizon Store.

Then he hands it back to me and says, no joke, "Cool phone, what's wrong with it...?"

LPK
LiveJournal
7.29.2013

Comments

[earthmother45.livejournal.com]

Your writing sounds so close to our experience buying new phones! We both got androids, but Pete returned his (well, they actually would not take it back, saying he now owns it and they don't want it) but they disconnected it and he now is back to his old flip up phone.

But I kept mine and persevered for several months now, getting help and advice wherever I could (all from people much younger than I am) and now I am beginning to understand it. I rarely use it though, not like everyone else in the world I see with their phones out all the time, assuming "the position" where it seems to be actually permanently attached to their hands, their heads always at a familiar angle, and they must be constantly connected with someone else for the minute by minute news and updating. I seriously do not want to ever become like them.

I still prefer my PC and big screen where I can maneuver around with some semblance of ease and actually see the screen without finger action to make things bigger.

[olbuksings.livejournal.com]

I think you've hit on the best strategy for dealing with this technological onslaught, which is to simply use whatever part of it truly fulfills a need or piques an interest. Sort of like my friend Pat's theory on how you eat an elephant--one bite at a time. Only in this case we have no intention of eating the whole elephant.

And, yeah, I find myself majorly annoyed by those who can't hold a 5-minute, face-to-face conversation without bailing out, every few seconds, to return a text message or answer a call. It's just an inherently rude and disengaged lifestyle.

Tell Pete I totally empathize with his situation and figured I might be facing exactly what you described as far as a return policy. Which is why I went to the website and downloaded the owner's manual, little realizing what I'd find.

Mind you, my original intention was to print out the manual--I guess the printed word is still somewhat of a security blanket for me. Except it turns out that the manual consists of something like 285 8-1/2" x 11" pages, one side. Which I guess might suggest the dimensions of this particular elephant.

So I'm still not sure what I'll ultimately decide. I'm still mightily irritated at the notion that every time I pick up my cell phone I'm the hapless victim in some ridiculous game of technological overkill. But if I do decide to leave the offending hardware on Verizon's sales counter, it's gonna be with the suggestion that just because you can build it, or sell it, doesn't mean that you should...