Crutches

[thisnewday]

So last week, at my pre-op appointment, one of the people I had to see was the sports therapy trainer. And part of his job was to set me up with a pair of crutches and teach me how to use them. Which he did, with astonishing brevity. After which he told me to go home and practice with them. And to call him back if I was going to need additional surgery as a result of, say, falling down the damn stairs while "practicing."

To be honest, three days have passed since my appointment and I've practiced twice. Once, for about 5 minutes immediately after my appointment, and again this morning. For another 5 minutes. Which leaves me with three more days to learn this so-called "assisted walking technique" before my surgery. But not to worry. Despite my lack of serious effort, things have been progressing.

For example, in that first 5-minute session, I would've fallen once on the level floor and twice on the stairs. This morning, I would've fallen twice on the floor and four times on the stairs. Which means that, even with limited practice, I've doubled the number of times I'd have gone "a$$-over-tea-kettle" if I'd already had the surgery and was doing it for real.

That said, I remain optimistic about what lies ahead. Which is why I've shown my daughter, who is also my medical proxy, how to convert my LiveJournal into a memorial website. (I decided against asking Her Nurseliness to be my proxy because, if she happened to be on her way to the casino when the call came, she'd say something like, "Can't you just tag 'im and bag 'im?" before she even knew what was up.)

So, maybe I'll see you on the other side. I'll be in the place that's warm year-round. The one that you get to by "going downstairs."  The one where, if you happen to fall down them, it doesn't really matter...

LPK
LiveJournal
3.6.2016

Comments

[rosegardenfae.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking you'll do well with the surgery, but just in case I always say, "If you can't wear a crown in heaven, enjoy wearing a party hat in hell." Best of luck...be well.

[olbuksings.livejournal.com]

Hahaha, too funny! Thank you so much...