The Deal I Would've Made
Jan. 21st, 2018 03:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thisnewdayDonald Trump claims to be the "Dealmaker-in-Chief." That's easy to say when all you have to do is declare bankruptcy, five or six times, if things don't work out. It's totally different when you have a truly personal stake in the outcome.
Like this afternoon, when I was working in my shop and pulled in one of those full, deep, completely satisfying breaths that I'm frequently, miraculously, able to take these days.
When that happens, I often think of how happy I would've been to give half, of the ones I have left, to her.
Because I remember her struggles, to get just one, in the 2-1/2 months from her first admission to that last awful morning in the ICU, and it just... breaks me down.
I sometimes wish that I didn't have these thoughts, but I suspect that they'll be with me until the day when I'm the one stretched out on that bed.
I also think about not wanting my kids to again endure anything like we experienced with their mother.
But if I've learned anything, it's that we can't broker a deal for someone else's life. No matter what we might offer in return. And we have few options for shaping the final days and hours of our own.
And so, we just go on living it, our own life and what we remember of others...
LPK
Dreamwidth
1.21.2018
Like this afternoon, when I was working in my shop and pulled in one of those full, deep, completely satisfying breaths that I'm frequently, miraculously, able to take these days.
When that happens, I often think of how happy I would've been to give half, of the ones I have left, to her.
Because I remember her struggles, to get just one, in the 2-1/2 months from her first admission to that last awful morning in the ICU, and it just... breaks me down.
I sometimes wish that I didn't have these thoughts, but I suspect that they'll be with me until the day when I'm the one stretched out on that bed.
I also think about not wanting my kids to again endure anything like we experienced with their mother.
But if I've learned anything, it's that we can't broker a deal for someone else's life. No matter what we might offer in return. And we have few options for shaping the final days and hours of our own.
And so, we just go on living it, our own life and what we remember of others...
LPK
Dreamwidth
1.21.2018
