I Just Want to Know
Sep. 14th, 2018 12:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thisnewdayAt some point, very soon, I'm going to have to find a healthcare professional with whom I feel comfortable working. Every notification I get, of an appointment made for me by the office I'm currently with, is like a kick in the gut. Only lower.
For whatever reason, it brings me down so badly that I feel like giving up on the things I've been doing for my own health and wellness for, well, practically a lifetime. Because, with these issues facing me and absent anyone who's willing to work collaboratively towards some answers, WTF is the use?
And this morning, I got another one. This one for an ultrasound of my carotid arteries. The stated reason being that I have dizzy spells.
Which I never told this doctor. The same one who scheduled me to be tested for Lyme Disease because I wore a mossy Oak shirt to my appointment. Which surely meant that I'm a hunter and may therefore have been exposed to the woods-dwelling, disease-carrying ticks which are common here in the northeast.
Except that none of that is actually the case, starting with the assumption about the shirt. I know our friend E will probably get a hoot out of this, but the reason I wore the Mossy Oak shirt was that it's getting cold around here and it was the only one in my closet that had long sleeves and looked halfway decent. Jeez.
Concerning the ultrasound, he did mumble something about needing a rationale to justify the test for insurance purposes. But he never explained to me why he was ordering it.
Which, in the context of this comedy(?) of errors and miscommunication, has left me wondering if there was an actual reason, some emergent condition maybe, which he chose not to share with me. Or if the considerable anxiety which I'm now suffering has been all for naught.
In any case, the paperwork for the ultrasound was in my mailbox this morning. And now it's up to me to inform the nice people at the offsite testing office that I won't be keeping the appointment. And that, no, I don't wish to reschedule.
Which, I know, doesn't sound like a big deal and, I guess, it really isn't. Except that every other day I feel like I'm screaming into some infinite black hole that, hello, this is my life, there are things I have a right to know.
And not only asserting my right to be informed but to also be listened to. And to have the final word, in whatever is decided, whether yes or no.
Because, yes, I want to live. But more than that, I want to know that whatever quality of life I may reasonably expect to have, in the aftermath of these decisions, will have justified whatever I--and my family--may have to endure to get there.
I. Just. Want. To. Know.
Otherwise, like my answers on the phone today, it's going to be no...
LPK
Dreamwidth
9.14.2018
For whatever reason, it brings me down so badly that I feel like giving up on the things I've been doing for my own health and wellness for, well, practically a lifetime. Because, with these issues facing me and absent anyone who's willing to work collaboratively towards some answers, WTF is the use?
And this morning, I got another one. This one for an ultrasound of my carotid arteries. The stated reason being that I have dizzy spells.
Which I never told this doctor. The same one who scheduled me to be tested for Lyme Disease because I wore a mossy Oak shirt to my appointment. Which surely meant that I'm a hunter and may therefore have been exposed to the woods-dwelling, disease-carrying ticks which are common here in the northeast.
Except that none of that is actually the case, starting with the assumption about the shirt. I know our friend E will probably get a hoot out of this, but the reason I wore the Mossy Oak shirt was that it's getting cold around here and it was the only one in my closet that had long sleeves and looked halfway decent. Jeez.
Concerning the ultrasound, he did mumble something about needing a rationale to justify the test for insurance purposes. But he never explained to me why he was ordering it.
Which, in the context of this comedy(?) of errors and miscommunication, has left me wondering if there was an actual reason, some emergent condition maybe, which he chose not to share with me. Or if the considerable anxiety which I'm now suffering has been all for naught.
In any case, the paperwork for the ultrasound was in my mailbox this morning. And now it's up to me to inform the nice people at the offsite testing office that I won't be keeping the appointment. And that, no, I don't wish to reschedule.
Which, I know, doesn't sound like a big deal and, I guess, it really isn't. Except that every other day I feel like I'm screaming into some infinite black hole that, hello, this is my life, there are things I have a right to know.
And not only asserting my right to be informed but to also be listened to. And to have the final word, in whatever is decided, whether yes or no.
Because, yes, I want to live. But more than that, I want to know that whatever quality of life I may reasonably expect to have, in the aftermath of these decisions, will have justified whatever I--and my family--may have to endure to get there.
I. Just. Want. To. Know.
Otherwise, like my answers on the phone today, it's going to be no...
LPK
Dreamwidth
9.14.2018
no subject
Date: 2018-09-19 02:39 pm (UTC)Honestly you probably have good insurance that will pay for these unnecessary tests because modern medicine is all about money, fuck compassion, to hell with honesty.
Since Erin has started working toward her NP degree I have learned much. Her current paper is on patient empowerment, and you have become the perfect example of the opposite. You have to be adamant, demand explanations or do what you are doing;cancel the tests.
It is your life and you should be educated about any conditions they want to test for and be actively involved in the decision making process. It is wrong, just wrong what they are doing to you; and I'm pissed off for you, and at the system that encourages this.
Choosing a new doc is work, but there are online reviews which help.
And, don't stop working to stay healthy and please don't be blue.
My goal is to just drop dead one day, it is the thought of suffering that worries me. I believe we are both much healthier than most folks our age. My girls who work in healthcare verify this notion. I'm not nearly as regular with exercise as you are, so even with lung issues, you're ahead.
And, I got lucky on the eye doc. Erin's current rotation is with an ophthalmologist and she is making me an appointment for next month.
The mind is all important as far as health goes, so believe in your own good health and keep on maintaining it. Maybe buy some new shirts for your next appointment, something with an athletic flair?
Peace and Love,
E
no subject
Date: 2018-09-20 12:22 am (UTC)I think that somewhere, recently, I said that I wear the Mossy Oak to remind myself that I'm the hunter, not the hunted. Or something like that. And maybe, in the aftermath of all this, it's working.
So, I've changed my diet, continued my walks, done my exercises.
Even so, this has been easily the worst setback I've experienced since my wife died. But I think I got the last pre-consult questionnaire yesterday and phoned in the cancellation today.
Looking ahead, I'm fully prepped for book club next Thursday and have another that I'm reading on the side.
Not surprisingly, we share that goal of yours as well as an appreciation for having a medical person in the family. My wife was always an invaluable resource in terms of knowing who to sign on with and who to avoid. Which somewhat complicates things, now, but I'll figure it out.
You're so right about the role of mind and emotions in personal health--it's an intersection these idiot doctors have no idea how to navigate, for themselves or their patients.
It's like if it's not on an anatomical chart or can't be written on a prescription pad, it must not be important.
Anyway, thank you so much for your kind comments. They mean so much to me. And maybe I'll take your advice and get a Superman teeshirt and see if that changes my luck...