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thisnewdayI wish that there had been room for me to lie with her in the hospital bed, as she wanted me to, to comfort her. Maybe there was room and I was simply stopped by a foolish sense of propriety, a lack of understanding of what was truly important at that moment.
Anyway, whatever it was that held me back, I didn't do it.
And now, that moment is woven inextricably into the past. I think of that and the countless other things that I could have done to comfort her and did not; I think of things, throughout our lifetime together, that I could've done but did not.
To say that I live now with regret is an understatement beyond what I could say if I had two lifetimes still ahead of me. Of course if I had them, and used them for that, it would do the same amount of good.
And so, I read my books and think about these things. I think about our plans and what we had hoped to accomplish, with our new life, in this new place.
And hope that she understood that I was prepared to love her unconditionally and to help her have that life, or any life that she chose to have, after that...
LPK
@Dreamwidth
5.10.2017
Anyway, whatever it was that held me back, I didn't do it.
And now, that moment is woven inextricably into the past. I think of that and the countless other things that I could have done to comfort her and did not; I think of things, throughout our lifetime together, that I could've done but did not.
To say that I live now with regret is an understatement beyond what I could say if I had two lifetimes still ahead of me. Of course if I had them, and used them for that, it would do the same amount of good.
And so, I read my books and think about these things. I think about our plans and what we had hoped to accomplish, with our new life, in this new place.
And hope that she understood that I was prepared to love her unconditionally and to help her have that life, or any life that she chose to have, after that...
LPK
@Dreamwidth
5.10.2017
