You can take the kid out of the hood...

[thisnewday]

My wife grew up in one of those east side immigrant neighborhoods which, thanks to a federal program called "Urban Renewal," no longer exists. The way it was supposed to work was that the feds would provide funding to tear down and rebuild urban neighborhoods identified as "blighted" by local governments. The goal was to rid city landscapes of urban decay and associated high crime rates, abandoned structures, unfit housing, etc.

My father used to call it "Urban Removal" because, in many areas, only half the job was ever done, leaving cities like Erie and Syracuse with hundreds of empty building lots which were soon filled with abandoned cars, trash, discarded drug paraphernalia, etc. I'm guessing that one reason the program ran out of steam (stop me if this sounds familiar) was the billions of dollars subsequently diverted from domestic programs to a certain unpopular war in Southeast Asia. 

The block where my wife grew up actually fared a little better than some. The lot where her grandfather built their single-story brick house, after emigrating from Greece in the early 1900s, is now the parking lot of a school transportation company which seems to be in business, or not, depending on who's running city hall. When I first met her, there were still traces of the carefully-tended gardens, fruit trees and grape arbors that she remembered from her childhood. But her mother and grandfather, who was then in his nineties, were the last stubborn hangers-on in a neighborhood devastated first by poverty and then the bulldozer.

The day after she graduated from high school, she was on a plane headed for school in New York City where she did some free-lance modeling and earned a degree in fashion merchandising from the Fashion Institute of Technology. A few years later, disenchanted with the drudgery of retail merchandising, and undaunted by the demands of her now growing family, she enrolled in evening classes at the local community college, transferred into the nursing school of an area hospital, and graduated second in her class. Not surprisingly, she was immediately hired and now looks back on a twenty-five year career as an R.N. on a busy med/surg unit, including the last ten as its permanent night charge nurse.

Recently my youngest daughter, who has the same relentless work ethic as her mom, has been the hapless target of verbal, physical, and sexual harassment at work. Sarah has the same drive but maybe lacks, in the face of this, the toughness that growing up on the hard streets of the east side instilled in her mom. She's well-liked by her co-workers, always goes the extra mile for her employer, and frequently offers a helping hand without being asked. When she came back from a recent trip to Vegas, with a co-worker and his family, she was told by others that her positive energy and enthusiasm were genuinely missed while she was gone.

Unfortunately, the two perpetrators of this outrage are her immediate supervisors in the hotel kitchen where she's employed. One is an older, generally miserable sous chef who's been there since the hotel opened some thirty years ago. The other is a middle-aged executive chef who, in his position as president of a prestigious culinary association, recently named Sarah, in the organization's newsletter, as one of his "rising stars." That was before her trip with the co-worker compelled him to ask, in the presence of other staff members, "What's he got that I don't?" (Please tell me that I'm not hearing an injured sense of entitlement in the words of this moderately successful, married-with-children, middle-aged man.)

And that was only the beginning. As if his inference had not been sufficiently clear, he further speculated as to whether Sarah and the other employee had engaged in a sexual liaison while in Vegas. (While it's really no one's business but hers, I'll state for the record that she did not.) Then, as often happens in these cases, he proceeded to find fault with the productivity of the very one who'd been his "rising star" before her apparently transformative trip to Vegas. And he's obviously enlisted the help of his sociopathic sous chef to make Sarah's life miserable.

Listening to her describe how she'd gone back to work, refreshed and ready for the challenges of a profession she truly loves, only to be attacked in a way that has quickly eroded her enthusiasm and confidence, I regretted not having heeded the warning of a female co-worker that this man, for whom my daughter would be working, had a history of inappropriate conduct around female employees, within and outside of his own department.

Why didn't I listen to what I'd been told and how is this man still happily pursuing his career as a serial abuser? Ask any woman who's ever been victimized this way, and I'm sure you'll get a succinct but informative commentary on workplace sociology. Let's see. He's a man with a family and career so it's better to let her go because she was (pick one) unproductive, a distraction, a trouble-maker, asking for it, an unethical, career-obsessed home wrecker who was shamelessly using him to advance her own career, etc.

Or, make up one of your own. So long as it fits the time-honored scenario of the woman involved being put out on the street while her male counterpart sits smugly behind his desk (adorned, of course, with the obligatory pictures of wife and kids), as he contemplates the next move in his testosterone-driven career.

As parents, however, you can't drive through life focused on the rear view mirror. As my wife pointed out, we now have to find ways to be supportive of Sarah while allowing her to manage this situation on her own. So, Monday morning, she'll be calling human resources and making an appointment to present her case, including the log I've encouraged her to keep chronicling events of the past week.

I think she's aware that the odds are against a positive outcome. There's no union at the hotel and the HR manager sits on the executive committee with the chef. That's not to impugn the integrity of the HR manager, whom I happen to know and respect. It's simply to say that the balance of interests in this situation weighs heavily on the side of the institution. Furthermore, even if she gets a fair hearing, it's almost a given of human nature that the resentment of her managers will dog her in the workplace and effectively end any hopes of a fulfilling and productive career.

That being said, she seems to understand her obligation to do whatever she can to stop this cycle of abuse. If not for herself, for those who will undoubtedly follow her. I never said that she lacked courage. As a nine year old team gymnast, she was routinely doing back flips on a four inch wide beam four feet off the floor. It's just that in that situation the people around her were there to protect her from the fall, not push her off.

It was on the drive home, following the double shift that my wife had just worked at the hospital, when we first discussed this situation. I was absolutely furious at the prospect of my earnest, hardworking daughter being subjected to such blatantly disrespectful behavior. In moments like those, we sometimes contemplate responses which would otherwise be unthinkable.

So I said to my wife, "I have half a mind to go over to the hotel and bash out the tail lights of that so-and-so's precious truck. At least that'll hurt him in a way that he might understand." Instead of attempting to dissuade me with an argument against behavior shockingly inappropriate for a sixty-three year old grandfather, she says, without a moment's hesitation, "Aren't there cameras?"

You can, as they say, take the kid out of the hood but you can't take the hood out of the kid...

Comments

[swamp-rose.livejournal.com]

Job situations were even more blatant before "Women's Lib." I pray your daughter finds justice - and a better job..

[olbuksings.livejournal.com]

Thanks for your comment and prayers. Unfortunately, people like her boss have gotten where they are, in both careers, because they're good at what they do, including dodging the consequences of their indiscretions. Their first move is often to shift blame to the victim and he's already done that. The next one is to justify, for themselves, their victims, and whoever else might be within hearing, the sh*tstorm of criticism (like the one Sarah endured last week)as being "for her own good, the good of her career, etc." That does several things: draws attention from what is the real issue, puts additional pressure on the victim and her advocates and spins the situation so that he actually looks like the good guy. Unbelievable. And if the victim is the least bit tentative in her response, he's off the hook. Unfortunately, that seems to be what has happened and so, like so many before us, we'll probably just was our hands of the mess and move on. Hate to do it, but the emotional toll has already been so high, etc. What a terrible lesson for one so young. So, after this, I'm probably gonna "deep six" this entry and move on as well. Again, thanks for your thoughts and prayers.