A Year in the Life

[thisnewday]

And so ends another year in the life: my grandson lies sleeping on the futon in the livingroom and Montauk the tall, black, standard poodle lies stretched out on the floor. And it will matter little to either of them that they did not see the ball drop or stay up until midnight.

Her Nurseliness is at work because it's her scheduled holiday to work and my son and his girlfriend have Her Nurseliness's VIP-comped room at the casino since she can't be there.

I'd rather be where I am, here at home with my grandson, than anywhere else that I might be. We've made a home here, a family, for each other and it's enough, at least for me.

For my grandson, I expect that will change. In fact, I hope that will change, otherwise I've not done my job. Which is to make him feel ready for the world outside, the world that celebrates new years and fresh starts and the occasional, fortuitous magic of shared lives.

I've been struggling more than a little with that job lately, having let my own dysfunction get in the way. So if there's to be a new start, a New Year's resolution, let mine be to do a better job in all things so that life will look more inviting, seem worthy of engagement, to him...

LPK
LiveJournal
12.31.2013

Comments

[earthmother45.livejournal.com]

What a good resolution, and I will also heed it: to do a better job in all things so that life will look better...and be better. I have a feeling with you for a grandpa, your grandson will be just fine. I wish you the absolute best in this next year and hope it is all that you want it to be. Happy New Year!

[olbuksings.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much and Happy New Year to you and yours! It's humbling to think, sometimes, how many years I've had to "get it right" but still struggle with some pretty basic things. And then I look around me and see others who have faced real adversity, over a period of years, and have performed through it all with great courage and compassion.

I'm thinking of my sister-in-law, back in PA, whose husband, my step-brother, became a quadriplegic in a workplace accident 20 years ago this month. She quit her job, raised their daughter, and provided for his daily care. Along the way, she coped with other adversities such as his addiction to pain meds, which she helped him overcome, and a stint in state prison which, remarkably and tragically, he managed to earn as a result of another poor choice of his.

He died this year on Christmas Day but, two days before that, told her that he'd seen the living presence of God. Actually, I would've thought that he'd seen it many times, as he looked into her eyes. And, in that sense, I guess he probably did because, through it all, they were steadfast in their love for each other.

Then I consider my own life and the wonderful grandson, who has always been a blessing rather than a burden, wonder at my own shortsightedness and ingratitude, and know that somehow I've got to do better. On second thought, I'm going to back off from the New Year's resolution approach, take our life here a minute at a time, and hit the "reset" button the instant I sense things going awry.

Surely he deserves that and, for what he's given me, the unconditional love of a child, I'll owe him that until my own last breath. And sorry about the rant, my first of the New Year. I'm thinking about a resolution to not do that, LOL...

[earthmother45.livejournal.com]

Such heartfelt and deep feelings you are sharing. I’m sorry about your step brother passing away on Christmas Day. That had to have been so hard on your sister-in-law, but I’m glad that they had such a steadfast love and I hope for her a super strength and peace in the future times. Where in PA does your sister-in-law live?

I didn’t know if you’d picked up on this in any of my writings, but my brother broke his neck in a high school wrestling accident when he was 15 and was a quadriplegic until he died at age 56 in 2004. My parents took care of him at home all those years, and it probably goes without saying that our lives were turned inside out. We all loved and supported John so much and he became the hub of our household. We all learned to be humble, more understanding and I believe better people, because of him. I often wonder how our lives (including John’s) would have been different had that “twist of fate freak accident” not happened to him. But being in the midst of all that had become our lives after the accident, we coped and adjusted and did the best we could to have a normal and regular life. And saying that, I think John (within a few years after the accident) adjusted better to the cards that were dealt him than the rest of us did. He accepted that as his life and made the best with what he had. John touched many lives, some we will never know about and I bet your step brother did the same, but you may never know. Anyone with any feeling can’t come away from seeing or living close to a situation like that without it making some pretty profound impressions.

If we look around, and sometimes not very far, there are always those worse off than we are, but someone once told me that does not diminish our trouble or burden in any way. We are all so different and some can handle and/or cope with things way beyond someone else’s capabilities.

I think we all live each day struggling with basic things and never seem to get it right. Even though I know what I should do when things are going poorly, I need constant reminders all the time. The solutions or choices I have need to be brought up, thought about and, reinforced on a regular basis…over and over and over.

Ha! I never liked making resolutions, because they would always somehow seem to set me up for failure. So I think for me just trying to live the “golden rule” of do unto others, and don’t judge until you are walking in that person’s shoes, are good enough for me. So much of our lives seem to fall within the realm of those two things.

No need to apologize for your rant…we all need a safe place to do it and we all need to do it instead of holding it inside. And for what it’s worth, I think your grandson is one very lucky boy to have you looking out for, loving and guiding him in his life. I bet, without hesitation, that he will be a better person because of you. So many kids never have anyone like this or even know what it feels like to have someone care so much.

Gad, so sorry for the long length of the comment. Sometimes I don't know when to stop. :))

[egg-shell.livejournal.com]

"I'd rather be where I am, here at home with my grandson, than anywhere else that I might be. We've made a home here, a family, for each other and it's enough, at least for me."
I'd rather be at home with close family too :-)