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A couple months ago, my life took a detour which, while unavoidable, seemed like a setback. I'd gotten several calls, from family members in Pennsylvania, saying that my dad was really sick and needed me there. (He'd never have told me that, himself. Or maybe he did, in the oblique manner that folks of his generation adopt when they finally need something for themselves.)
Problem was, I'd spent the previous 3-4 months getting ready for a back surgery that I pretty much need in order to get my own life back on track. You know, the office visits, the insurance companies, the blood donations, the testing. Not to mention the mental preparation for what I'd have to do, afterward, for a successful outcome.
Even so, it wasn't a hard decision to make. And I can truly say, with rare certainty, that it was the right decision to have made. I spent a little more than a month with my father and, by the time I left, spring was on its way, he was feeling better and we'd had some discussions and done some planning, for things like end of life care, that we'd avoided in the past.
I've been back home for almost a month and still haven't figured out how or when I'm gonna have the surgery. Dad will be 92 in a few weeks and I'm now acutely aware of how transitory these windows of recovery will likely be for him in the future. And, because I've been entrusted with his medical proxy and power of attorney, I'm worried about doing anything that might leave me incapacitated the next time he needs me.
But something else happened when I was back in Erie. I heard a story from my father that filled a gap in my early life that I hadn't known existed. Or, if I had, I'd known it in the way that we know about black holes in space. You know, those places where time and light, and potentially the whole of our physical beings, are somehow drawn by the hugeness of a force that we can't even see, or say exists, except in some intuitive or abstract or theoretical way.
After all that, I'm not gonna get into the substance of it here. It's gonna take some time to process the kind of data that may suggest a 180 degree turn in the understanding of a life. Especially when it's my own.
So, yeah, note to self, "E=mc2," let's think about that...
LPK
LiveJournal
4.28.2007
Problem was, I'd spent the previous 3-4 months getting ready for a back surgery that I pretty much need in order to get my own life back on track. You know, the office visits, the insurance companies, the blood donations, the testing. Not to mention the mental preparation for what I'd have to do, afterward, for a successful outcome.
Even so, it wasn't a hard decision to make. And I can truly say, with rare certainty, that it was the right decision to have made. I spent a little more than a month with my father and, by the time I left, spring was on its way, he was feeling better and we'd had some discussions and done some planning, for things like end of life care, that we'd avoided in the past.
I've been back home for almost a month and still haven't figured out how or when I'm gonna have the surgery. Dad will be 92 in a few weeks and I'm now acutely aware of how transitory these windows of recovery will likely be for him in the future. And, because I've been entrusted with his medical proxy and power of attorney, I'm worried about doing anything that might leave me incapacitated the next time he needs me.
But something else happened when I was back in Erie. I heard a story from my father that filled a gap in my early life that I hadn't known existed. Or, if I had, I'd known it in the way that we know about black holes in space. You know, those places where time and light, and potentially the whole of our physical beings, are somehow drawn by the hugeness of a force that we can't even see, or say exists, except in some intuitive or abstract or theoretical way.
After all that, I'm not gonna get into the substance of it here. It's gonna take some time to process the kind of data that may suggest a 180 degree turn in the understanding of a life. Especially when it's my own.
So, yeah, note to self, "E=mc2," let's think about that...
LPK
LiveJournal
4.28.2007
