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E Made Me Do It
Sep. 3rd, 2017 08:28 pmIf my daughter questions me about it, I'm gonna say, "E made me do it."
Which probably won't get me out of the trouble that I've just gotten into. Because my daughter has three kids, ages 2 to 10, and she's heard it all before. Probably heard it three or four times already today.
So she'll say, with rising irritation in her voice, "Do you do EVERYTHING that E tells you to do? If E told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?"
And I'll say, "Welll...I...don't...know..."
And she'll say, now clearly steamed, "What do you MEAN, you don't know?"
"Well, um..." (Now aware that she's between me and the door.)
"You're a grown man! You're my father, for God's sake! I shouldn't have to follow you around to make sure you're not DOING stuff! Like blowing your budget every month!"
Then I'll say, with sudden inspiration, "But it was for BOOKS!" (As if THAT would get me off the hook at this point.)
To which she'll reply, "I don't CARE if it was for the FREAKIN' missionaries in FREAKIN' Guatemala!"
Then, like an afterthought, (and not at all like she's bought into the whole book thing), "What books?"
And I'll say (as if I thought she WOULD let me off, if it was for the RIGHT books) "Well, there's Moments of Being: A Collection of Autobiographical Writing, written by Virginia Woolf and edited by Jeanne Shulkind; Orlando, a novel by Virginia Woolf; and Virginia Woolf, a biography by Alexandra Harris.
Ignoring the crossed arms, the tapping foot, the head shaken in total exasperation, I continue with, "The last one's a hardcover that I got for HALF-PRICE. AND I got 20% off the lot of them!"
She's now at the door, as she turns and says, "Look dad, seriously, I've got three kids in the car, dinner to make, and a real estate business to run. Don't MAKE me take your credit cards and check book."
And with that, she's out the door, tires flinging gravel as she exits the driveway.
Whew! THAT was close!
But even if she'd made good on her threats, I'd still have E to blame.
Because, after all, isn't that what friends are for...?
LPK
Dreamwidth
9.3.2017
Which probably won't get me out of the trouble that I've just gotten into. Because my daughter has three kids, ages 2 to 10, and she's heard it all before. Probably heard it three or four times already today.
So she'll say, with rising irritation in her voice, "Do you do EVERYTHING that E tells you to do? If E told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?"
And I'll say, "Welll...I...don't...know..."
And she'll say, now clearly steamed, "What do you MEAN, you don't know?"
"Well, um..." (Now aware that she's between me and the door.)
"You're a grown man! You're my father, for God's sake! I shouldn't have to follow you around to make sure you're not DOING stuff! Like blowing your budget every month!"
Then I'll say, with sudden inspiration, "But it was for BOOKS!" (As if THAT would get me off the hook at this point.)
To which she'll reply, "I don't CARE if it was for the FREAKIN' missionaries in FREAKIN' Guatemala!"
Then, like an afterthought, (and not at all like she's bought into the whole book thing), "What books?"
And I'll say (as if I thought she WOULD let me off, if it was for the RIGHT books) "Well, there's Moments of Being: A Collection of Autobiographical Writing, written by Virginia Woolf and edited by Jeanne Shulkind; Orlando, a novel by Virginia Woolf; and Virginia Woolf, a biography by Alexandra Harris.
Ignoring the crossed arms, the tapping foot, the head shaken in total exasperation, I continue with, "The last one's a hardcover that I got for HALF-PRICE. AND I got 20% off the lot of them!"
She's now at the door, as she turns and says, "Look dad, seriously, I've got three kids in the car, dinner to make, and a real estate business to run. Don't MAKE me take your credit cards and check book."
And with that, she's out the door, tires flinging gravel as she exits the driveway.
Whew! THAT was close!
But even if she'd made good on her threats, I'd still have E to blame.
Because, after all, isn't that what friends are for...?
LPK
Dreamwidth
9.3.2017
