thisnewday

I thought I was ready for this. The colder days, the longer nights, the eventuality of rain becoming snow.

I had readied the basement: swept the floor and mopped the mat that covers the part of it that's under my bike when it's locked into the trainer.

But now I realize I that hadn't readied myself. Had reconciled only with not riding today, maybe a couple of days this week, due the intermittently rainy weather.

Had not yet seen the Thursday forecast of snow. Had not truly confronted the realization that, once taken downstairs, the bike would likely be there for the winter.

I had, in fact, thought--in some inexplicably disconnected way--that this might be the day. And so went upstairs to my office, to my not-actually-a-computer, to check out whether this might be.

And when I confirmed that it likely was, my heart sank, I felt the panic, walked outside in the cold air, no hat, no jacket, looking at the sky, the clouds a wintery gray in the falling light.

And as I walked back inside and closed the doors, I wanted to scream, wanted to cry.

Came back here, to this all-but-abandoned journal, to look for words, to hopefully find a coherent thought or two.

Now, having done that, having found them, I think, I'm going to try to walk back downstairs and do the rest of what I have to do...

LPK
Dreamwidth
11.13.2021